Fletcher Tolbert

Isadore "Izzy" Goldberg changes his name to I. Patrick Murphy because his store is in an Irish-neighborhood in New York City. He meets Eileen Cohannigan, the daughter of a meat-packer, and he tells her he is Irish and a romance begins. When America enters World War I, "Izzy" enlists, is sent to France, and is wounded while engaged in a heroic rescue during a big battle. While recovering in an overseas hospital, he writes Eileen and tells her he is Jewish and not Irish. Returning home, he is parading with his regiment and he sees Eileen with Robert O'Malley, his old rival. He thinks she has thrown him over because he is Jewish. An Irish lodge comes to bestow an honor on the man they think is Patrick Murphy, an Irish hero. But O'Malley tells them his real name is Goldberg. But Eileen tels him it is he she loves, and they head for the marriage-license bureau.

The gang is participating in a program sponsored by the Golden Age Dramatic League. They present their own fractured version of Quo Vadis. Things go from bad to worse when the neighborhood tough kids disrupt the show. The pie fight is given a new twist by use of some slow motion sequences.

Mickey overhears the gang rehearsing a play and thinks it's real.